Shawty got that wat wat

145.0! That's roughly 8 pounds in 2 weeks (definitely 5 pounds in 10 days), which is lightning fast for me.

I am eating with the antibiotics twice a day and a probiotic once a day. With the antibiotics it's often half a can of chili, which if I add a load of cheese and sour cream (which I sometimes do since it's low carb and feels safe) comes out to around 500 cals, so at around 1,200 total, that's not reeeally undereating. I think I can live with that.

I'm 3 pounds from GW7, aka 70% to my "healthy" goal. I think I'd like to get to that number, then start slowing this whole thing down. Momentum will only carry me so far before I rebound and the whole thing blows up in my face as uncontrollable bingeing. I need to stay aware enough to stop that before it happens.

It's Complicated

146.6. I have to eat twice a day with the antibiotics and I SHOULD eat at least once between to get something probiotic in (kefir, yogurt). Eating is still not that appealing. It doesn't help that my blood sugar has been playing games with me, which wreaks havoc even when I'm not sick. Eating -> feeling sick = being scared of eating.

I have devolved into half a dozen or so "safe" foods vs. Everything Else. I'm not usually a safe foods kind of person but the carb/blood sugar thing is making that worse.

Yep, I'm a hot mess.

The Descent Continues

147.6.

I have forgotten what it is like to eat all the time. Did I do that on purpose? It doesn't occur to me now, maybe a few times a day, and I really only pay attention to it once. Maybe twice if I need to to think for work or school.

I don't want to know how many calories. One microwave dinner, a rice cake, a Greek yogurt, and half my weight in cough drops yesterday. I don't think I've eaten that much in a single day for over a week.

It is my comfort, distraction, control, escape. I've been sick for five days, so I'm going to be foggy, lightheaded, and exhausted regardless. May as well make the most of it.

Sick & Tired

150.2. I am exhausted and sick. I have been restricting (Down from 153-155 lately). Not counting calories strictly, just I shouldn't have that much, I shouldn't eat yet, that's too many carbs. For example, I usually treat myself to a double cheeseburger minus half the bun on my way to work. That plus a bag of peanut M&Ms was all I had last day I worked. Not much, and not healthy, but isn't that the way eating disorders go?