Surprise!

I worked up the nerve to weigh again a few days ago and got 137.6.

I'm posting the weight since I honestly thought I'd crossed north into the 140s

I'm still furious at myself for gaining, but the reality is that the lowest I settled at this spring was 127. I have gained 10 pounds. 10 pounds, not 60. 10 pounds can be lost again. I will get a handle on this; I will be ok.

8

I get my apartment on the 27th. Eating will be easier then. I never brought most of my dishes to this house and I refuse to use much besides the microwave because K lives like an animal and everything (stove, counters, sink... everything) is filthy.

I want to get back on low carb no later than September 1 to get my appetite back in check. I am hungry ALL the time, and low carb helps with that.

No other specific plans atm.

My stupid reproductive tract finally started something. Really, do I need 3 days of roasting/chills and an entire week of abdominal symptoms beforehand?? I think I've lost some water bloating because of that. I'm eating too much, but doing better on fiber consumption, so things are maaaybe starting to sort out on that front.

137.4

26 (final)

137.8 holy hell
Breakfast burrito
Breaded pork
Chili Mac
Mashed potatoes
12 chicken nuggets
Large chocolate frosty

Bedtime note: time for laxatives. I missed a week or two of metformin and I think restarting it has me backed up. This is MISERABLE.

Metformin

I feel enormously bloated from ov time. I expected to weigh more, but maybe I'm also dehydrated from sleeping too long, or from my shiny new medication giving me the runs. NOT HAVING FUN HERE.

138 yesterday, 137.4 today.

Spice Nation

Only meal yesterday was a first-time-stop at a North Indian buffet with K. HOLY CRAP it was FABULOUS. It was vegetarian & vegan food, which I knew beforehand. I didn't realize until we got there though, that it meant most of the intake would be carbohydrate. I managed to stifle my panic long enough to stuff myself silly, and did not have a blood sugar crash after, which made me very happy.

I absolutely adore the way Indian food is seasoned. Most of it was overly spicy for me, but if I really like a spicy food I just keep eating and chugging water and crying and sniffling and eating. I have trouble remembering the names, but the korma and samosas and saag paneer were all to die for. The restaurant patrons were 90% Indian, which makes me think it is actually authentic Indian food and not too Americanized.

I was in literal physical pain after. It's like everything swelled up in my belly after I finished eating.

137.4.

137.4

Day after buffet. It actually wasn't as good as usual, but I still ate plenty. I haven't worked out in about 3 weeks, which is horrifying - but I just bought a new pair of shoes that will hopefully keep me running comfy, and I have my little cheapy weight bench set up and ready to roll. Must. Get. Moving. Again.

Land of Milk & Honey

I never understood why that was supposed to mean something fabulous until I had a Greek strained yogurt with honey. I have seen the light! Mmmm.

137.2, 98 pounds lean mass (28.6%)

How long has it been since I've seen that 7? Two things have helped... I started my period on Friday night and throughout the day beforehand I was losing a lot of retained fluid...

And the carbophobia is kinda kicking in.

I have good days with most parts of my body except my stomach. I have not lost the extra tummy pooch that I acquired when I got so overweight. Eating low carb helps more with belly fat because high insulin levels (insulin resistance + high carb diet = high insulin in the body on a regular basis) promote abdominal fat storage. It won't help with the loose skin, but nothing will so I try not to think about it.

I also have fixated on getting to 135. SO close and yet so far! It's 80% of the way to "healthy" goal, which feels enormous. 70% felt like two-thirds of the way. 80% feels like Almost There.

Roids

I have been everything from 135.something to 143 lately. 137-138 seems like a fair "real" weight. I'm on day 2 of 5 for steroids because my lungs are acting up, and I expect the next period within a week, so bracing myself for higher numbers for a bit. Or maybe I should be sensible and not weigh myself?! Yeah, like that's going to happen.

Oh, guess what drives your blood sugar up. Steroids. Yep. My mind is playing revolving door between NO CARBS TIL IT'S OVER and Screw it, your blood sugar's going to be fecked anyway so may as well binge.

137.6

Does my scale even know that .2 and .8 exist? Sheesh.

Holding onto

137.0

Seems like when I try to give myself permission to have a full meal, I end up restricting to make up for it anyway. I'm tired of this. 8-lane roundabout, no exits.

Confused

137.4 two days in a row. Huh? Seriously? I was at a buffet yesterday. Dehydration?

I've been doing fairly well at consistent small meals to keep my blood sugar stable, but I didn't have much yesterday because I was wound up about going down to the city to talk with State U people about registration and financial aid. I decided to drag K out to Safe Buffet so I'd have a big meal, but then I didn't eat anything for the rest of the night.

Today I'm giving myself permission to eat whatever/however it takes to get me through a job interview this afternoon. So far all I've been able to get down is protein shake :P