Sunday, March 24, 2013

Impatience

140.0 today.
I am just DYING to see
<139 (9-year low)
and <137 (normal BMI).

But I'm trying to reign in the beast. I was intensely hungry yesterday. I saw a Tumblr pic of pumpkin pie that nearly led to an all-out binge. Somehow pumpkin pie feels less unsafe as a binge food than other carbs, I dunno. So I fed myself major quantities of meat & some veggies, not once but three times yesterday. I went to the grocery store and got a few "safe" things with more variety than my current staple meal of creamy cottage cheese with crunchy Asian noodles.

Mom & I were talking about weight & food a few days ago... She said that even though I've told her I'm mostly losing weight because of stress (partly true but I'm not giving her the rest of the story), she gets the impression I've turned a corner and I'm not going to just rebound and gain it back.

She's definitely right. I do feel like I've broken the emotional mega-binge part of my eating disorder that led me to 190 pounds. While I'm definitely losing my marbles a little bit, I'm also trying to take active steps to make sure that I don't push myself into rebound malnutrition-binge mode either.

Basically, I'm trying to keep the tiger on a leash. I'm doing ok for the moment, trying to stifle the little voice in the back of my head that tells me I'm playing a dangerous game.

2 comments:

  1. nine year low! go for it! you can do it :) and yes, trying to keep a tiger on a leash is playing with fire. but on the bright side, those cats are adorable, aren't they?

    do your best :)

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  2. So neat about the nine year low! I'm more proud about the healthy food choices - meat and veggies. Keep up that up and the leashed kitty will get more tame every day.

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